THE NATURE OF COURAGE IN OUR SOCIETY

I had an insight into the nature of courage the other week.

I had a fracas with our local rugby club in June 2010, following the standing down of my son’s coach. I was so incensed by what I saw as the faceless, clumsy way it was handled, that I wrote a letter putting the matter into the public domain. The issue brought back all the toxicity around how the police and judiciary treated my family during our harassment case (see previous posts, below): people in authority making decisions, but not having to account for those decisions.

I wrote to the rugby club about what I saw as its faceless committee: making decisions without communicating with, or consulting with, the parents of our family-orientated rugby club. My 5-page email (yes, FIVE) opened a Pandora’s Box, because I copied-in all the respective parents.

There are many people in faceless committees and in authority who make decisons like this. There are many authority figures and bodies who make decisions for us and about us, but don’t want to front up to account for those decisions. They do not want to face those who are affected by the adverse effects of those decisions. Large call centres are a feature of this cowardice. Call centres are often set up by bad managers of bad companies who don’t want to talk to their disaffected customers.

Do these phrases below sound familiar to any of you? I had all three in the 40-minute telephone meeting with a representative from the Rugby Club:

• How often do we hear, “Well, I don’t want to get into specifics,” when the person you’re debating with realises the facts are not on his side?

• How often do we hear, “I’m not going to get into that,” when the person you’re debating with realises he’s losing the debate?

• How often do we hear, “I think we should just move on,” when the person you’re debating with realises he’s made a huge mistake and doesn’t want to be accountable for that mistake?

So many authority figures seem to lack courage to stand up to account. However, such people without courage aren’t necessarily cowards. Not one of the parents I’d copied in wrote a public reply. I thought I’d overstepped the mark, and I was going to have to be accountable for my email. Fair enough. So, I had to dig deep when I had to face those same parents. Beforehand, I had a fantasy conversation with the parents. In my head, I would say “Well, if you guys want to give me a hard time, take your shot.” Instead, the reality was that some of the parents were shaking my hand, congratulating me on having “the balls” to write the letter, and congratulating me on staying with the rugby club. I was truly humbled.

And here’s the part about courage.

Why didn’t any of those other parents write a letter, if I was so right to put pen to paper (well, fingers to keyboard, actually)? The reason is, because our society is DESIGNED to sap our courage. This suburban life we lead becomes so comfortable, that anything or anyone that threatens that comfort is a threat to our standard of living. Shouting about the wrong and standing up for what-is-right is less important than paying for the mortgage or keeping the job. Our entire economy is dependent on the masses (and I include suburbanites in that category) being good, compliant, worker ants.

As such, we are made to FEEL like ants. We often feel completely powerless when we have to deal with a conflict, or when we have to deal with someone in authority, or when we are victims of power abuse. We are pressured to comply. Often we are one ant in a hive of indifference, and our voices are diluted. Our so-called democracy works in exactly the same way – to dilute our collective voice. We are ants.

This is why, in conflict situations, our courage leaves us. It’s supposed to.

WHAT CAN WE DO WHEN WE FEEL WE HAVE BEEN WRONGED?

• Write a letter to the person who has wronged you. State your feelings and ask for a re-dress

• Write a letter to the BOSS of the person who has wronged you. State your feelings and ask for a re-dress. Copy other people involved.

• If you have been wronged by a company, write to the Managing Director personally. Find our his exact name, title and address.

• Write to your MP on the issue and ask for help

• Put the issue in to the public domain, so the person committing the wrong can’t hide.

• Contact the media and write to the newspapers.

• Set up a blog (Hah! Like this one!)

• Keep writing

Sometimes, little comes of it, and it’s a huge battle. However, the very act of writing is often a cathartic form of therapy. The process WILL strengthen you. And, you know, occasionally – just occasionally – you might get a result. When we all combine as a local, national or global community, we can find a little bit of courage and stop faceless figures in authority harming us.